Man, I do love the holiday season.
This one year, I had a really crazy Christmas though.
I’ll tell you about it...
True story...
It was a cold winters night at the North Coast mansion
Our annual Christmas party, there was drinking and dancing
Mel, Raquel, Brick, RJ, Beth, and all our friends were there
Amir and Raero did shots while Doug twerked on a chair
I was eatin chestnuts by the fire when I heard a sound up on the roof
Went to check it out, quick quick quick like rooftops do
And when I got there I saw it, a flying object in the sky
It was round and kinda saucer shaped, with red and green lights
It zoomed around and landed down right there in front of me
My heart goin bada boom thinkin who it's gonna be. I said
“Santa is that you?” And I heard a voice say “No”
The doors opened and out stepped 12 green men, all in row.
ALIENS
Santa Claus is dead. Or rather, he never existed
We are the aliens from Planet X and we are on a mission
We've been drinking and now we're bored, so we seek some entertainment
And if we don't find it we just might blow up your little planet.
You see we did our research and we heard that Earth was number one for fun
And yes we saw your review on TimeOut dot com
I thought whoa, oh no, yo what we gonna do
Wait. I know what to do. Yeah, lemme get my crew
SUPER SMACK
Christmas on North Coast
Christmas on North Coast
Aliens invaded during
Christmas on North Coast
Christmas on North Coast
Christmas on North Coast
This isn't the North Pole
Christmas on North Coast
MEL
I joined Smack up on the roof and saw the 12 green dudes:
“We’ll take your chestnuts, and your vespa and your little dog too”
Our whole planet was at risk, I had to think quick
Opened up Netflix and some Chex mix, said “sit down and watch this!”
Got the The Holiday, Love Actually
Serendipity, Jingle All The Way
It’s A Wonderful Life
Eh ….it’s just ok
Up next should have been the best
the Even Stevens Hanukkah Ep
But I looked at our guests, the ones from Planet X
And they were not impressed, I think I failed the test
RJ
Yeaaaaah RJ pullin up, yeah I jumped up on the scene
Said “Hey y’all aliens wanna see some wrestling?”
So I turned on some New Japan, all elite, Im a fan
Fancy, like Prada. Rainmaker, Okada.
I looked over to the aliens with a smile on my face
All good wrestling, no Hulk Hogan to mention race
To my surprise they started wrestling each other
Then guess who came down?...The Alien Mother!
ALIEN MOM
Little ones I found you on this primitive planet.
And you are fighting each other, how underwhelmingly barbaric
BETH
Jumpin on in, tryin to save it
Beth tryna make sure that mama don’t hate it
Hey Mama, let’s make you laugh so hard that you cry
And yeah, North Coast think you supa fly
And we gonna do what we gotta do to not die
SUPER SMACK
Christmas on North Coast
Christmas on North Coast
Merry Christmas
Christmas on North Coast
Christmas on North Coast
Happy Hanukkah
Christmas on North Coast
Christmas on North Coast
We Are Inclusive Aliens
RAERO
So we enticed them with some comps to the North Coast Home Show
And we nicely picked Alien Mom for the interview
Smack played a cop singing bops in a falsetto
Mel booty dropped & Beth pop & locked with some mistletoe
Improv non stop. It connects us, have you heard?
YES AND We were hoping it could save the world!
We took our bows praying “Will we get to 2020?”
You’ll never believe what happened next, HONEY.
DOUG
The Aliens stood up opened their slurms real-wide
They said “can we join north coast for the next yuletide?
"We don’t wanna kill you anymore, in fact we open up the door
To our little little flying saucer so we can take you home to Sloovador"
“Sloovador? I’ve never seen that up in the sky!”
Said RJ with a mouth full of post show pie.
“Sloovador’s our planet, 30 light years away
We’ve got pumpkin pie, a Christmas tree, and balderdash to play”
We all looked-at-each-other-and-said how divine?
It’s better than-dealing-with-holiday-lines
Let’s-get-on-the-saucer-we-maybe-imposters
-to Sloovador-but-everything-will-be-fine!
So we got to their planet with time.to-spare
The 12 green men said, “put your bags.right-there
“Don’t worry humanoids everything will be fine
Just stand against the wall and make a back line!”
“I’m scared Doug,” said RaeRo sensing we were in peril
“Are we gonna be forced to rap Christmas carols!”
The 12 green men looked at each other and laughed
No we just want a North Coast Family Photograph!
SUPER SMACK
Christmas on North Coast
Christmas on North Coast
Aliens invaded during
Christmas on North Coast
Christmas on North Coast
Christmas on North Coast
This isn't the North Pole
Christmas on North Coast
SANTA CLAUS
Hi Smack, this is Santa Claus. Ho ho ho. Listen, I’m at the front door of the North Coast mansion right now, I’m trying to get into the party. But nobody’s answering. The evite said 8:30pm so uhh yeah I’m pretty sure I’m at the right door. Shouts to Amir and uh Doug and Brick and Raero and RJ and Mel and Doug and Beth. Yeah.
Merry Christmas...
credits
released December 2, 2019
Produced by BlueBerry
Mixed & Mastered by Douglas Widick at Sweet Tea Studios
Album Art by Alexandra Bustos
A seminal album that pushed nerdcore forward. I got to share the stage with Mega Ran at SXSW this year, and I told him "Dream Master" is one of the few rap tracks that makes me cry. It's a beauty. Super Smack
Nerdcore is at a special moment right now, and this is the evidence. It's an inflection point in boldness, voice, technical rapping prowess, and humor. Honored to call Lex a friend and rap buddy. Super Smack
